dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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