I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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