so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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