he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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