Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
