I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
