I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
