You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
