apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize