everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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