a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
