I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
