I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
