Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
