I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hippo gnu deer
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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