it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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