I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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