Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
