I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize