I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
