your thong is hanging out like whoa
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
