At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
