she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
