Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
