I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
