it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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