I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
