I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
