Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
