This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
