Define "chronic" masturbator.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
