Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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