It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
