girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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