I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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