she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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