so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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