wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
