The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
