Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
