I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
