So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
50% drunk capacity currently
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
