Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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