is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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