Do you still have your period?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
