I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
