see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
