once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
