You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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