Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
