Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
