Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Of course I have a pirate flag
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
