you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
