She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.