I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do