Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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