D3 body, D1 cock
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.