According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.