My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......