first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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