Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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