You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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