i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
