I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
