I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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