well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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