walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
