dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
