Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
