Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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