can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
