he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
