My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
