Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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