I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
