i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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