Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
