I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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