they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
