Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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