We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
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I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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