I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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