tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
